Quality Time Could Be the Answer to Every Parent’s Time Crunch

Do you often feel terrible about not being there enough for your children? Or do you feel frustrated when work eats into your time with family? You’re not alone. Studies show that long working hours can contribute to work-family imbalance. The worst part? When you finally get alone time, you remember all the times your little ones asked you to play with them and you couldn’t.

We are constantly fighting against time. But in a way, this also makes time a kind of leveler. All of us get the same 24 hours in a day. Some of us have more of it in our control than others, for sure. But within our spheres of control, there’s a lot we can do to make time work well for us. Quality time could be one answer to this conundrum. 

Table of Contents

1. What does quality time mean? 
2. Quality time doesn’t have to be fancy
3. If you’re worried about these, don’t be! 
4. Conclusion

What does ‘quality time’ mean? 

This study says that quality time means different things to different parents. If you’re a working parent struggling to get one-on-one time with your children, quality time can mean being available for them when they need you, like on the first day of school or when they are sick. A stay at home parent may feel that being around the child, even when not actively engaging with them, is quality time. Sometimes parents in the same household may have different opinions on what quality time means and how much time with the children is ‘enough’. 

My personal takeaway from this study is to be fully present with my child whenever I can. It doesn’t matter what we do; for me, just being with my daughter is quality time. 

Quality time doesn’t have to be fancy

The last thing I want to do is to add to your interminable to-do list. Here are some ways to make the most of whatever time you get with family. 

• One-on-one time

Here’s the thing – baby games bore me. I can barely sit through the never-ending, self-contradictory, super silly rules my daughter makes up. And she’s a stickler for steps. I am not allowed to improvise! I am not allowed to sit down! I have to make a different voice for every toy! It’s exhausting. 

On good days, my tolerance for child play lasts about fifteen minutes. On bad days, less than five. I tell myself, how much time I spend doesn’t matter. What matters is that when I promise her my time, I make it happen. 

Giving your child undivided attention, even if it’s for two minutes, goes a long way in making them feel seen and listened to. 

• Unstructured play

At a talk organized by my daughter’s preschool, a mom of two girls and an entrepreneur spoke about the guilt she felt because of not being able to give both her daughters adequate time. The child that is in distress tends to get immediate attention, and this is usually the younger one. She then devised a schedule where at the same time every evening, she would spend fifteen minutes with one child and the next fifteen minutes with the other. Each child understood that she got fifteen minutes of time with her mother, exclusively. The mother would play or do whatever the child wanted. 

If unstructured play or child-led play sounds either terrifying or useless to you, I empathize. Do what you can. But you should also know that unstructured play is not useless at all. 

Unstructured play is actually a powerful tool for cognitive development. So set your boundaries with your children, then just enjoy the ride! 

• Family time

For the very brief period of one weekend evening my husband, my daughter and I played Monopoly. My daughter was very thrilled that both her parents were sitting down to play with her! But after my husband and I got too involved in the game and started discussing mortgage and lending rates, she lost interest.

The idea is to do something together as a family without devices or TV, unless the activity involves playing music or a video game together. Even if it’s a walk on the road, the joy is in being together, without other obligations or distractions.

Family rituals are a great way to meet multiple agendas with one task. Fix a time and day for an activity that the family can do together.

If you’re worried about these, don’t be! 

• You want to do an educational activity or teach them something

Meghna Yadav, Child Psychologist and Head of Training & Development at Klay, discussed the nature versus nurture debate with me in this article about guilt for Mother’s Day. She believes that “how a child turns out has more to do with their personality and the paths they choose than everything that the parents do for them.” In this light, she advises “every expectant mother I meet to not approach parenting like a lifelong project, but as a daily experience that will have its ups and downs.” 

In other words, your child simply wants to experience the world with you, and they want to do it their way. Watch them do it and be proud of them for trying. 

• You’re embarrassed about looking silly or goofy

It is the silliest and goofiest things that get young children laughing the loudest. Around the time my daughter was three years old we were all confined at home because of covid-led lockdown. The three of us – my husband, her and me – would walk around our apartment every night. We didn’t wear masks because there was no one around and the fresh air felt exhilarating. Until my daughter struck a silly pose and made us do it in turns. When we obliged she laughed so loudly, neighbors complained about the noise! 

I might have cringed while pulling my ear with one hand and my tongue out with the other, but they make for wonderful memories today. 

• You have some other work to finish

If a task is not urgent, let it be. Ask yourself, can that work deliverable be done tomorrow? In my case, I have a compulsive urge to keep my house clean. But then I realized that my daughter didn’t care about the dirty dining table or the stained sofa! So I used that time to be with her instead.

When I give my daughter my undivided attention, her cute little face lights up like the sun. When I can get this, why bother tidying up?

Conclusion 

Our lives are fast paced, and contemporary ways of living emphasize getting more and more done over slowing down. Demanding work hours and other responsibilities at home can lead to less family time. But there are some ways to make the little time you get with family memorable and fun. 

• Give your children your undivided attention whenever you can, allow them to decide what to play sometimes, and create family rituals. 
• Don’t worry about not using the time with them productively, or looking silly. 
• If there’s no fire at work, or if that mess in the living room doesn’t have to be cleared right away, give yourself a break. 
• Go out for a walk with the little ones, or play an indoor game. 
• If you can’t seem to do any of these, it’s still okay! Take heart, you’re doing the best you can.

Visit a KLAY Centre near you, to find the best daycare for your child. A place, that is like the second home for your child