Dussehra Reflections: 10 Parenting Habits to Reflect Upon

One evening, as my little one played with his toy bow and arrow, he looked up at me with curious eyes and asked, “Mumma, what’s Dussehra all about?” To which I replied, “Dussehra is a special festival that teaches us that being good and doing the right thing will always win in the end. A long time ago, there was a brave prince named Lord Ram who had to fight a strong but bad king named Ravana. Ravana hurt others, but Lord Ram stayed kind, honest, and brave. Even though it was hard, he never gave up, and in the end, Lord Ram won. This festival is a reminder to us all that no matter how difficult things get, being kind, honest, and brave will always help good triumph over evil.” 

As we celebrate Dussehra, a festival that reminds us of the triumph of good over evil, I’ve been reflecting on my own parenting journey. Just as Lord Ram’s victory over Ravana symbolizes the need to overcome our inner challenges, I’ve realized there are a few parenting habits I’d like to work on to become a better parent. 

Here are 10 parenting habits to reflect upon and change for being better at what you do for your child. 

Lack of free play

In the quest to provide the best opportunities, we sometimes forget to give them the space to simply be. Free play is the time to let them play in an unstructured way. It is essential, to build their creativity, problem-solving skills, and emotional resilience. It also allows children to explore the world around them and connect with mother nature. Free play allows them to use their imagination to make sense of what they experience around them. 

However, in today’s fast-paced world, as parents, we often fail to provide opportunities for free play to our children. It’s in these unplanned moments that children grow into curious, independent thinkers. So let them play free, without any set guidelines. Just let them have fun the way they want to. 

Being overprotective 

As parents, we all have been there, saving our little one from the tiniest scratch when they were about to fall down. Being overprotective stems from a parent’s natural desire to shield their child from harm, but it can unintentionally hinder a child’s growth. When we constantly intervene or control their environment, we prevent them from learning how to navigate challenges on their own. Mistakes, risks, and even small failures are crucial for building resilience, problem-solving skills, and confidence.

However, in our efforts to keep them safe, we sometimes limit their ability to explore, take chances, or handle difficult situations. Overprotection may offer immediate comfort, but in the long run, it can deprive children of the valuable life lessons they need to grow into independent individuals.

Overscheduling Their Routine

With the goal of ensuring they receive the best learning experiences be it play or studies, we often tend to fill every hour of their little ones with activities. Be it academics, sports, or hobbies, overscheduling a child’s routine, can place unnecessary pressure on them. While often done with the best intentions, this leaves little room for rest, creativity, or downtime.  

However, this constant switch of activities is overwhelming for children and it could lead to stress and burnout. A balance is therefore essential, allowing them to recharge, develop their imagination, and enjoy the moment. Let them slow down a bit and allow them to enjoy the present. 

Not Setting Clear Boundaries

Imagine this, the mother says, “No more TV; it’s time to get ready for bed.” “Just five more minutes, Mumma, “the child is not ready to turn off the TV just yet. The father overhears the child’s plea and steps in saying, “Okay, but just five more minutes.” What happened here is a clear example of inconsistency in setting clear boundaries, which can create confusion for children. While many parents avoid strict limits out of a desire to be more lenient or foster independence, inconsistent rules can lead to misbehaviour and a lack of respect for authority.  

Clear boundaries help children feel safe, providing them with a framework to make sense of the world and understand the consequences of their actions. Without these guidelines, they may struggle to develop self-discipline or recognize the difference between right and wrong. Setting firm yet compassionate limits not only promotes good behaviour but also gives children the confidence to navigate their environment with a sense of security and purpose. 

Projecting Anger or Frustration on the Child 

When parents are stressed, tired, or overwhelmed, the anger or frustration spills onto the child in the form of harsh words or actions. Though your little one may not understand the source of that anger, they do understand that what you did to them is not nice. Projecting anger onto a child can have lasting emotional consequences, even if it happens unintentionally. This can impact their self-esteem and sense of security.  

It’s crucial as a parent to pause and address their own emotions before responding to their child. This will ensure that they are safe from your emotional storm. Modelling calm, constructive behaviour during challenging moments helps children learn healthy emotional regulation and builds a more trusting, supportive parent-child relationship. 

Ignoring your Child’s Feelings

Children often express their emotions in ways that may seem small or overly dramatic to adults, but their feelings are very real and significant to them. For example, saying “Stop crying, you’re fine!” when they fell down or saying, “Calm down, it’s just a scratch,” might make them feel that their feelings are dismissed.  

Acknowledging and validating a child’s emotions, no matter how random they may seem, fosters emotional intelligence and helps build a trusting relationship. It shows them that their feelings are important and that they are heard. 

Being Present for Them

In today’s fast paced life, we all are in the same room but not in the same room. Be it work, phones, or other responsibilities, we often overlook the importance of truly engaging with our children. Children notice when their parents are not being attentive to them. This can sometimes make them feel less valued. 

A child simply desires to be paid attention to. Be present for them, whether during playtime, conversations, or simply sharing a meal, show them that they are a priority. This presence not only fosters a deeper connection, but also makes them feel secure and loved. 

Being too Critical

While parents often correct their children to guide them or push them to do better, constant criticism can make them feel anxious about making mistakes. As parents, it is important to understand that children learn and do things at their own pace and interest. If they are constantly reminded of the mistakes that they are doing, they might develop a fear of trying new things. 

Instead of focusing on what they’re doing wrong, shift your focus on what they are doing right. It’s important to celebrate their efforts and progress. Give a positive feedback for what they did right and subtly tell them to correct their mistake. This balance helps children feel valued and it motivates them to keep growing without the fear of constant judgment. 

Not Apologizing for your Mistakes

Let’s look at a scenario where the you instructed your better half to water the plants and they forgot. And on enquiring, they brush it off saying, “You do it yourself, I don’t have time.”  Your child witnesses this. To your child, this shows that accountability doesn’t matter and neither being apologetic for what you missed and how you behaved. An alternate response to this could have been which acknowledged their oversight, “I’m really sorry; I completely forgot to water the plants. I should have set a reminder.” This teaches them that admitting mistakes is a sign of strength, not weakness, and reinforces the importance of accountability in relationships.  

Ignoring Self Care

Being a parent is not an easy job, we often find ourselves feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and exhausted. This not only affects our mood and patience but it could also lead to a cycle of irritability and burnout. Children are perceptive and can sense when their parents are struggling, which can create an atmosphere of tension or uncertainty. By prioritizing self-care, we can model healthy habits for our little ones, demonstrating the importance of balance and self-respect.  

Taking time for oneself—whether through exercise, hobbies, or simply moments of relaxation—allows us to recharge, fostering a more positive and supportive environment for our children. It reinforces the idea that caring for oneself is just as important as caring for others. 

It is festivals like Dussehra —where good triumphs over evil—help us in reflecting on these common parenting habits and to confront them for better. As we embark on this journey of transformation, let us remember that every small change can lead to significant positive impacts, ensuring that we guide our children toward becoming confident, resilient, and compassionate individuals.